Life is Full.....

We obviously have been too busy with "life" which has kept us from posting lately!! E. is doing so much better integrating with our family, and we are looking forward to introducing him to my extended family over Thanksgiving. Several BIG dates coming up in December, so we'll have more info in the next post.....Thanks for your prayers, Paul and Cathleen

Deer in the Driveway

Deer in the driveway...

Meredith's Post-Braces Portrait

E. in the treehouse!

we found a treehouse in the woods...

Cathleen and Meredith going on a hike...

exploring the woods..

by Cathleen

Lately I have had many days where it has been hard to for me to have the strength to love E. fully. He can be so stubborn. He throws tantrums and won’t talk to us when we try to see what was wrong. We try to explain things to him and he gives us the “look” that tells us he is done listening to us. Every now and then we get a glimpse that something we have done or said has impacted him, and we get so excited over the littlest things. However, shortly after our glimpse something will happen and we question whether what we thought we saw was real.

As I write about this, the parallel between God and me becomes so obvious that I often treat God in the same way. How often am I too stubborn to listen to God? How often do I throw grown up tantrums when things don’t go my way and refuse to see the error in my reactions? How often does God reach out to me and I give Him a look that tells Him to back off because "I can do things my way!"?

Our emotions often feel like they are on a roller coaster but the one constant is God and His reminder to us that "His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23)."

We had an awesome long weekend in Boerne, Texas (the Hill Country) a couple of weeks ago. It was the first time all six of us had been together since Florida. We were apprehensive about how it would go with E. because we were remembering the Stressfulness of Florida. It turned out to be an amazing weekend. We had a lot of intentional time with all of the kids which was very needed. We had the kids go off by themselves and read Psalms 139 and write down what God was telling them. They realized some amazing insights: how incredibly often God thinks of them (Psalm 139: 17,18); that God knew them before they were born and planned exactly who they would be (vs. 14); and that God’s hand lies upon them and knows everything that happens to them (vs. 5).

We also read 1 Thess 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.” We wrote everyone’s name on a piece of paper and everyone wrote encouraging words down for that person that we later each got to read. Here are some of my favorite things they wrote: Josh wrote to Paul, “My dad is so courageous and strong. I hope that I am like him someday. When I am a dad I will do what my dad did. He was a good daddy and I am glad he is around.” Marian wrote to Meredith, “You are my inspiration and my big sis. I love you.” Paul wrote to Josh, “You have a compassionate heart and a warrior spirit, a love for God, and a great smile. Put on the helmet of truth…”

It was so amazing to get away from the distractions life can bring and see what life will be like with six of us. There are so many times we feel out of our league in dealing with E. We don’t know what to say or how to feel. We inevitably go back to our original purpose in James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from becoming polluted by the world."

In fact, it isn’t our purpose at all, it is Gods! We know that God will give us what we need to fulfill His purpose.

Afraid of Heights?

by Cathleen

We have had a roller coaster of a month! We have had a lot of highs and lows with E. In the high moments, God has given all of us a glimpse of E. growing to trust us, as well as growing stronger and becoming more confident in himself.

We went to Florida in August. It was the first time all six of us had been together uninterrupted by summer life (i.e. no friends coming and going, or everybody going in different directions). We were all together in a house on the beach for 7 days. Looking back now, I can see how God wanted us to have that time together because it revealed so much about our relationship with E. He threw tantrums everyday, several times a day for one reason or another. Typically they came when things didn’t go “his way.” It was draining on both of us to have to deal with all of his emotions; however, we always resolved them well and the confrontations would always end with a hug.

E. has been reluctant to try anything new since he has lived with us. The former foster mom said that she couldn’t get E. to do anything (sports, extracurricular, etc.) because he said he either didn’t want to or was scared of getting hurt. When we announced one morning in Florida that we were going parasailing, E. quickly let us know he would not be joining us. He said he would ride on the boat, but that he was terrified of heights. The girls and I went parasailing first and came down telling everyone how fun it was. A guy on the boat that was getting ready to parasail told E. he was deathly afraid of heights, but that he overcame his fears by facing them. Right after that guy parasailed E. decided he would go up with Paul and Josh. It was such a huge thing for him to do. While he was 800 feet in the air, Paul told him that he obviously wasn’t afraid of heights anymore. E. said “it must be because he turned 8 and he was afraid of heights when he was 7.” We totally look at this as God giving us a stepping stone to helping E. trust us. It is hard to love someone if you don’t trust them. He absolutely loved parasailing!

Paul and I came home from Florida emotionally exhausted from dealing with E. We had a great time with our kids and we were able to separate our dealings with E. from them. However, we came home feeling that if this is what life looks like with E., we weren’t sure we wanted to go forward. We have continually been in prayer about what Gods wants us to do. Both of us want to do whatever God asks of us, even if it is hard. The couple of weeks after we returned from Florida (before school started) were amazing. God obviously knew that we needed a break because E. was a delight. It was the most peaceful 2 weeks we have had in a long time…….but then school started.

Starting school is stressful for everyone, but E. had to start a new school yet again. He has been in three elementary schools and he is only in 2^nd grade. We go to a great school with a huge community feel but he obviously doesn’t feel part of that community yet. His tantrums returned, but not to the extent as before. On one incident in particular, I feel that we may have broken down another wall E. had built up.

We told him he had to write thank you notes for the gifts he received from his 8 year old birthday party. He has never had to do that before and was really angry about it. I bought the easiest kind I could find (“Dear________, Thank you for_______,etc.”) He just had to fill in the blanks. I told him that he had to complete two thank-you notes a day until they were done. The first day was great, but on the second day he got really mad. Because of homework and other activities, he was asked to do them after dinner before he got up from the table. The rest of us had done the dishes ,had dessert, and we were going into another room. He still had his head on the table and had not looked up because he was so mad about having to write them. To make a long story short, as soon as we left the room he started to cry and it escalated to very high volumes (no tears ever)! Paul and I told him that he had to get self control and write his thank you notes in 15 minutes or he would have a consequence. We set a timer and left the room. You would have thought he was getting eaten by a lion in the other room! We explained to our kids that we were helping E. have a grateful heart by writing his thank you notes. We also told them that God wants us to go through life being thankful and not expectant of what others can do for us. We told them the reason E. was crying was because we had asked him to do something that he didn’t want to do, but nonetheless we were requiring it. Our kids seemed fine and we said a prayer for E. together. After 15 minutes, Paul and I went into the room and he was still screaming but the thank you notes were written. Paul told him he did a great job, but he still needed to get self control. E. slowly quit crying and got composure. We praised him for finishing the task and talked to him about having a grateful heart. We told him that the people who bought those presents had to: 1) think about what he would like, 2) go to the store and spend their money, and 3) bring the gift to his party. Therefore, we show them we are thankful by writing a note. Later that night E. climbed onto Paul’s lap and cuddled with him while Paul read a story. E. prayed out loud (which he has never done even though we all pray out loud every night) and he thanked God for his family. God continues to give us glimpses of this little boy’s heart – and it is good!

I asked E. that night if he knew how precious he was to God. I told him that God loved him so much that He knows really silly details about him like how many hairs he had on his head. God even names his tears and puts them in a bottle. Every tear we cry, God hears and is present. I told him God holds him in the palm of His hand. Pray that E. will know God’s love one day soon!

You have taken account of my wanderings;
Put my tears in Your bottle.
Are they not in Your book? Psalm 56:8

Removing the Plank

by Meredith

Matthew 7:3-5 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

I love this verse because the example makes judging others so clear. Basically, you can’t correct someone when you have the same problem. I think this applies to me like when I correct E. in things I do too. An example is when he isn’t grateful. He will just complain and whine when nothing is wrong. I will usually just tell him to stop complaining and be thankful. But everyday, I also take things for granted. So I need to get my heart in the right place and have the right motives before I go and judge him. And I should be an example for him to follow Jesus.

It’s been pretty hard lately and we’ve all had some issues and lost our patience. But God’s been with us the whole way through and provided for us. The other day in church we talked about living for eternity and not being distracted by the things of this world. He asked, “What are you doing that will count for eternity?” I strongly think foster care is a great answer. Giving kids a home when they really need one. Of course there are many other answers and everyone has a different story, but this is also very important. And none of this is about me, my family, or E. All the glory goes to the Lord, and He’s adopted all of us into His kingdom. God will always be E’s father, no matter what happens, and there’s peace to be found.

The Good Stuff

by Paul

This fostering thing is hard in a variety of ways. We are daily praying through certain situations with E. and asking God for wisdom. Perhaps the hardest is the lack of certainty or direction when it comes to his long-term placement. It is a cyclical thing – many of his protection mechanisms have come from a complete lack of security and permanence; however, we can’t begin to fully address them until we can provide that permanence. Right now, our goal is to point him to the only true source of permanence, which is a lasting relationship with Christ – the One who will never leave him.

Here is some of the “good stuff” that we’ve experienced in our month with E:
• Getting all five of us outside of our comfort zones in ways we never imagined
• Seeing my family practice selfless acts of love in new situations daily
• A renewal of our family nights and bedtime readings
• Watching my daughters grow in wisdom, patience, and discernment as they handle two boys in the house who don’t always get along
• Listening to the laughter of “brother” camaraderie, especially at bedtime
• Watching Josh and E. use each other to advance their Lego craftsmanship
• Stealing precious minutes alone with Cathleen to catch up during the craziness
• Getting to help “unpack” seven years of baggage of abandonment, fear, uncertainty, and rejection
• Leaning on God daily for wisdom in dealing with “said baggage”
• Seeing baby steps of growth regularly and knowing God is at work
• Teaching both of my boys how to be a Godly man – how to honor God, respect women, be “others focused”, and lead well

In Psalm 40, David talks about how God “brought him up from the miry clay and gave him a new song.” In many ways, E. is stuck in that clay (the clay of isolation, the clay of insecurity, the clay of abandonment, etc.). Our prayer is that one day he will be able to sing how God rescued him and freed him from all of this “clay” in order to fully live!

Psalm 40:1-3
I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what He has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.

Going the Extra Mile!

by Meredith

This verse was brought up in church today and really stood out to me:

Matthew 5:40-42 “And if any one wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. And whoever shall force you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.”

God spoke to me in this verse by saying if E. is asking for something (attention, time, encouragement, etc.)- go the extra mile. If he asks for my shirt, to give him my coat also. For example, if he and Josh are screaming, fighting, or driving me crazy, instead of yelling at them to stop, I should be patient. And going the extra mile would be not only just keeping to myself with self-control, but trying to help them work it out. I’ve learned a lot since E. came to stay with us. Patience is something I struggle with daily. And God has been teaching me to enjoy each day and not worry about tomorrow. Another thing that has had an impact on me is that I can call E. my brother. In the beginning, I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to call him my foster brother, or my brother. But I soon learned that it was just when my heart was ready. I’m just going to trust the Lord with whatever obstacles come our way during this journey. And go the extra mile.

So much to say, but no time!

Joshua examining the old "Mentos in Diet Coke" trick - a classic!

by Paul
So much to say, but so little time. I'll work to compose my thoughts and get them on paper over the next week.

We continue to love unconditionally, speak truth in love, set boundaries as needed, and pray continuously that God would give us wisdom each and every day. We are still thankful for this stretching opportunity that God has provided for our family. A few fun pics....

Paper Mache Penguins!

Picking up Marian at Pine Cove Ranch

Our First "Family of Six" Pic

Joshua 1:9 - Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

God is in Heaven, and we are on earth - enough said!

“For God is in Heaven and you are here on earth; therefore, let your words be few." Ecclesiastes 5: 2

By Cathleen

Adopting a child has been on my heart for many years. Before I even had children of my own, I knew that I wanted to adopt a child. We have gone down many roads exploring adoption and finally decided to do “foster to adopt” through Buckner. I really had talked to a lot of people, read a lot of books, and generally felt like I knew what we were getting ourselves into. I also strongly felt that God had laid it on both of our hearts to open up our home to another child.

I had a “moment” a couple of days ago where I realized that I had gotten what I wanted, but was complaining to God about how hard it was. I had a lot of questions for God concerning what we were going through. I didn’t feel like God was answering them. I had the nerve to journal that “due to His silence I really didn’t have a reason to continue to pursue Him with my questions.” I have never really felt reprimanded by God…….. until now. The verse He brought to mind was Ecclesiastes 5:2, in which He says (to summarize), “I am here in Heaven, and you are there on earth” - enough said!!

E. is an amazing kid! He is smart, funny, emotionally healthy for all that he has had to endure, a great playmate to Josh, well-mannered, compassionate, obedient, and he is hurting. If we would have specified to Buckner that we wanted a boy foster child close to Josh’s age with the description above, they would have thought we were crazy because these kind of things never happen.

I have wondered if this was fair of us to bring someone into our family almost the same age as Joshua, as he has felt the change the most. He has been the recipient of the biggest blessings, as well as the biggest hardships, since our decision to have E. come live with us. He has had to share his room, his toys, and his friends. It has been quite an adjustment for him; however, he is handling it well.

My friend had a great reminder for me the other day. She said “God has called us to love E. for today.” I have a tendency to project into the future about all of the possible scenarios and I tend to get overwhelmed. However, the one thing I can do is love for today.

Today, E. asked me to play a game with him; he ran to the door when Paul got home and gave him a big hug; he has been attacking with his words with Josh, but it was less than normal today . Today is all really have. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Thanks for your prayers for us.

“So teach us to number our days that we present to You a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12

An Unexpected Message

The Lord said to Moses, “Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I the Lord? Now then go, and I , even I, will be with your mouth, and teach you what you are to say?” Exodus 4:11,12

By Cathleen.

Who would have thought that a trip to downtown with our family on the Dart train running around Dallas would have such a profound effect on me? At first glance, it was just meant to be a fun day. E. had never been downtown, ridden a train or trolley, or gone up to Reunion Tower. We ended our trip down town at the Dallas Museum of Art.

When we arrived the gallery told us that there was an event for families on the 4th floor where we could sketch some of the art. Meredith, Marian, and Joshua grabbed the sketch pads and began drawing. E., on the other hand, took a sketch pad and sat down with a distant look on his face. He told us he didn’t know how to draw. We told him that none of us “really” knew how to draw, and we were just playing around. E. remained paralyzed, staring into the distance. We tried to encourage him, but that just silenced him more.

Nothing we tried seemed to work. I told him I was done drawing, and asked him if he wanted to go walk around and look at art while the other kids finished. He stared at his blank white page and started to cry. He had sat there for 30 minutes and had drawn nothing. I didn’t know what was wrong, and he didn’t know how to tell me. We put up our sketch pads. A security guard saw us and stopped E. She grabbed him by the shoulders and told him she had been watching him. She told him she could tell he was sad because he didn’t think he could draw.

I had not noticed her before. She told E. that she “didn’t like to see anyone leave her museum sad”, and she was going to show him some paintings that would be much easier to draw. She then led us back to the sketch pads and handed a new one to E. ,and then led us to a new. “easier” area. He followed along compliantly, but still very tearful.

I had no idea how to comfort him. My only thought was to leave and maybe that would distract him. This lady wanted to keep him here and keep trying to help him. She told us to sit down in front of this simple stick drawing of a tree. She gave E. a pep talk and told him she would be back to check on him. She came back three different times, each time offering new suggestions. He still was crying looking at a blank page. I wondered how I was going to get out of here without her seeing us. What she was trying to do was nice, but now working in my opinion. He was still crying and still totally immobilized. I was totally at a loss.

E. would not talk to me as much as I tried. I told him we could try again another day, and told him we should go walk around and look at other things. We successfully managed to put the sketch pad up with out the security guard seeing us, and headed for the stairs only to get “caught again”! She said she wasn’t giving up yet, and she wanted to introduce E. to the teacher of the sketch class who was helping the people draw. The security guard would not leave us alone.

The teacher was helping someone else, but she was perceptive enough to tell E. was extremely sad. She had him come sit by her while she instructed the other person. It was at this moment that I realized something. I had no idea how to reach E. I tried talking, humor, and comfort and nothing worked.

I had not tried to pray.

I asked God to show me how to help E When she was done, she immediately turned her attention to E.’s eye level . She led us to a painting and pointed out to E. what the tree looked like in the painting. It was rather abstract and looked very simple. She then took us to another painting that also had a tree that was painted very realistically. She told us how artists see things in different ways.. She then took us to a very abstract drawing that at first glance you couldn’t tell what the drawing was. She, however, was able to walk E. through an interpretation, and all of a sudden he was engaging with her. He was engaging with someone for the first time in an hour. She told him how artists see things differently, and that there is no right or wrong yet there is still beauty in it all. The beauty comes from how the artist sees things and that there is an artist in all of us.

E. left the museum smiling and laughing. He told us he wanted to come back.

This day was as much a lesson for me as it was for E. God knew how to handle E.’s heart. He knew to keep pursuing him towards success (the security guard and the teacher) and He wasn’t about to give up. I was ready to give up way earlier.. God in His infinite wisdom sees our situations, and gives us what we need even when we don’t know how to ask for it.

I am reminded of Moses and how he didn’t’ know what to say or what to do. God told him he didn’t need to know and that He would give him the words and show him what to do. This is not the first time I won’t know what to do to help E. God shows up in such mysterious ways but what I need to trust He will always show up.