Well, as already noted by Cath, we met with E’s current therapist last Tuesday and she affirmed the belief that his ODD diagnosis is completely inaccurate. From her observations, this is not the case at all. We had some lengthy discussion with her and gained some peace that his issues are primarily centered on the fact that E has lived with several families for most of his life, but has never felt fully settled - that makes sense and could explain alot of his behaviour. As Cathleen noted, we are still waiting to hear back from CPS on whether he will be coming to us or not.
All of this has happened so fast that we have had to go back to our original reasons for going down this route in the first place. We both feel that God had led us to this point and wants to use all 5 of us to move past our comfort zones and love another child of His.
Will it be hard? Yes.
Will there be times when we wonder what in the world we are doing? Without a doubt.
Will we question our own sanity? Most certainly.
However, just because things get difficult does not mean that it was the wrong thing to do. I think back on our decision to move to Germany in ’92 and leave our careers, friends, etc. after we got married. There were many nights that we wondered what in the world we had done, but now in retrospect God used those times to grow us and shape us. Our prayer is that this will be the case here as well.
“I chose to take the path less traveled, and that has made all the difference” – Robert Frost, 1920.
We are choosing to veer off of the current path a little bit, and are thankful that our God is faithful to provide our every need through it all. Please pray for E as he will have some difficult adjustments ahead, whether he stays with us or not. The origin of his name is Hebrew, and means “Rock” or “Foundation.” Christ has been called the Ebenezer Stone as He was the foundation of the church. Pray that E will come to know the only Solid Rock on which to build his life – Jesus who will never leave him.
Hebrews 13:5b – Since God assures us - “I will never let you down, never walk off and leave you” (The Message)
Thanks for your friendship…..Paul
May 29, 2009
May 28, 2009
The Wait....
We spoke with E’s counselor last week, and we were very confirmed that she believes E was mis-diagnosed. We asked her a lot of questions and after our conversation felt very good about telling Buckner we could be E’s foster family. Since that conversation, we had to hurry up and finish getting our license to even be foster parents! All 5 of us had to get a T.B. test; we had to get a fence put around our pool; lock up any medicine we had in a box; finish mounds of paper work; and still need to get CPR trained!
We have talked to our kids about E, and they are very excited. However, there is one caveat; an out of state aunt has requested a home study be done on her to be able to have E come live with her. To our knowledge, E doesn’t know he has an aunt. No one knows where the aunt has been for the 5 years E has been in foster care. We were supposed to find out yesterday if the home study for the aunt was approved. However, as we are finding out, nothing really goes as originally planned. We called today and Buckner has not heard from Austin about the home study. If it is approved, E will go to live at his aunt’s house in June.
We have been praying for E that God will place him where He wants him. We have talked with our kids about the situation. While they would LOVE E to come to our house, we told them to put themselves in his position. If they found out they could go live with family or strangers, who would they want? The waiting and ambiguity is hard. However, we rest in the fact that none of it is a mystery to God. He knows where E needs to be, and He will take care of it.
A friend of ours commented on our blog and I loved what she said. She said, “What amazes me is how God knows his little hurting children out there and is not immune to their pain. He goes ahead of them and prepares a place in a loving family for that child.”
Please pray for E right now, and that God will make it clear where he is to live. It is funny how we haven’t even met him, yet he has touched our heart in a deep way.
We have talked to our kids about E, and they are very excited. However, there is one caveat; an out of state aunt has requested a home study be done on her to be able to have E come live with her. To our knowledge, E doesn’t know he has an aunt. No one knows where the aunt has been for the 5 years E has been in foster care. We were supposed to find out yesterday if the home study for the aunt was approved. However, as we are finding out, nothing really goes as originally planned. We called today and Buckner has not heard from Austin about the home study. If it is approved, E will go to live at his aunt’s house in June.
We have been praying for E that God will place him where He wants him. We have talked with our kids about the situation. While they would LOVE E to come to our house, we told them to put themselves in his position. If they found out they could go live with family or strangers, who would they want? The waiting and ambiguity is hard. However, we rest in the fact that none of it is a mystery to God. He knows where E needs to be, and He will take care of it.
A friend of ours commented on our blog and I loved what she said. She said, “What amazes me is how God knows his little hurting children out there and is not immune to their pain. He goes ahead of them and prepares a place in a loving family for that child.”
Please pray for E right now, and that God will make it clear where he is to live. It is funny how we haven’t even met him, yet he has touched our heart in a deep way.
May 17, 2009
Thoughts from Meredith
Hey, this is Meredith! I'm 13 years old and these are my thoughts on having another brother (or sister!) come into our family through foster care. I've been praying about what it would be like and if this is where God wants my family right now. I read a verse in James and that opened up a lot of meaning to me about what God's Word says about adopting or doing foster care. The verse is James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." I think this verse means that God encourages His people to look after orphans when they really need someone to love them. I'm very excited and willing to share my family and home with another child. I think that we need to keep our house open to more children, of any background or race, and that we should treat them as a part of our family. My parents have talked to us about writing a family mission statement and one major point we included was keeping our house open to anyone. Also, the most important reason that I want to do foster care is that we can lead them to the LORD, and shine a light for Jesus in their life. There are some things I am worried about though; yelling at them, fighting with them, or just getting annoyed!! But I know that if this is God's will for us, he will take care of all of the extra stuff. This experience will definitely be difficult at times, but will teach me to be less selfish and more patient. And I am ready to take the challenge.
Just the highlights
We got a phone call from Buckner last week. Our caseworker told us that she wanted to talk to us about a 6 year old boy named E (name shortened for protection). He was placed in foster care when he was 1. His mother dropped him off at a friend’s house, and never came back to get him. The friend called CPS and he was placed in foster care in Houston. . E stayed in foster care with the same family for 3 years, and during this time his biological mom died of a drug overdose. When he was 4 ½ CPS decided they knew his parental rights were going to get terminated, and they need to place him with a family who may be willing to adopt him as his current family only wanted to foster children. They placed E with a local family, and he has been there for about a year. This family recently said they don’t want to adopt him. They also had him evaluated by a psychologist who diagnosed him with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Don’t quit reading here, or you may think we are crazy for even considering this.
We did a lot of research on O.D.D., and came to the conclusion we couldn’t take a child with such a serious diagnosis. My mom works at a psychiatric hospital, and she asked the psychiatrists and nurses to give her a list of questions we could ask the case worker about E and his diagnosis. One of the questions was to ask the case worker how she thought the current foster parents would describe E. She said they would say he was a "sweet, polite boy who was quiet around adults but out going with kids. He isn’t that into sports but is very creative. He has gotten in to trouble at school and church but nothing very serious." A child with O.D.D. is not described that way. A kid with O.D.D. has a huge problem with authority, and is often violent in their behavior. We wrote our case worker back and told her how confused we were with how they describe E and how he was diagnosed.
E has been going to a counselor since he has been in R. He apparently has really bonded with this counselor. The counselor has said he thinks the diagnosis of O.D.D. is absurd, and he completely disagrees with it. Upon further questioning, our case worker told us that the entire Buckner team consisting of L.P.C’s and other child care professionals believes E was mis-diagnosed. Buckner is seriously considering not using this psychologist in the future as they feel this has happened before.
Paul and I have been getting advice on how to proceed, and if we should take E in as a foster child with the potential to adopt him (as this is our hearts to do someday with a child). From the advice we have gotten, we were told to speak to E’s counselor and find out what things he thinks we will face with E. Buckner is in the process of getting permission for us to do that next week.
We have told Buckner that if we believed E has O.D.D. , we didn’t feel we could give him all he needed. However, if we felt , as Buckner does, that he was mis-diagnosed, we would love to foster him with the potential to adopt. He has an aunt that lives out of state that is having a home study done on her to adopt him. We have been told that no one thinks the aunt will get approved.
All of this has happened so fast! Our heads are spinning. We would LOVE your prayers on how to proceed. We clearly want to follow God’s leading. Our caseworker also shared somethings about the current foster family. A couple of years ago CPS placed a 2 year old child in their home, and they were told they could adopt her. Right before it was finalized a relative came out of no where and CPS placed the child with them. CPS will always place foster kids with relatives if possible. When CPS approached the foster parents about E they were concerned because he was older than they were wanting. Buckner feels the foster dad has never really tried to bond with E because he was so hurt by what happened to the little girl.
When we asked why they don’t want to adopt E, our case worker said they don’t feel like they have bonded with him and God has told them they were not suppose to adopt him. I told Paul I want God to get a little more specific with them about why they shouldn’t adopt him!! She feels the foster parents quit trying with E several months ago. They are willing to continue to foster him but do not want to adopt him. Buckner wants to get E out of that foster home because they don’t feel he is emotionally being cared for very well. They want to place him right after school gets out. Buckner is also looking at a couple of other families for E.
In other words, if we say yes and Buckner chooses us, we would have E by June 5!!
We did a lot of research on O.D.D., and came to the conclusion we couldn’t take a child with such a serious diagnosis. My mom works at a psychiatric hospital, and she asked the psychiatrists and nurses to give her a list of questions we could ask the case worker about E and his diagnosis. One of the questions was to ask the case worker how she thought the current foster parents would describe E. She said they would say he was a "sweet, polite boy who was quiet around adults but out going with kids. He isn’t that into sports but is very creative. He has gotten in to trouble at school and church but nothing very serious." A child with O.D.D. is not described that way. A kid with O.D.D. has a huge problem with authority, and is often violent in their behavior. We wrote our case worker back and told her how confused we were with how they describe E and how he was diagnosed.
E has been going to a counselor since he has been in R. He apparently has really bonded with this counselor. The counselor has said he thinks the diagnosis of O.D.D. is absurd, and he completely disagrees with it. Upon further questioning, our case worker told us that the entire Buckner team consisting of L.P.C’s and other child care professionals believes E was mis-diagnosed. Buckner is seriously considering not using this psychologist in the future as they feel this has happened before.
Paul and I have been getting advice on how to proceed, and if we should take E in as a foster child with the potential to adopt him (as this is our hearts to do someday with a child). From the advice we have gotten, we were told to speak to E’s counselor and find out what things he thinks we will face with E. Buckner is in the process of getting permission for us to do that next week.
We have told Buckner that if we believed E has O.D.D. , we didn’t feel we could give him all he needed. However, if we felt , as Buckner does, that he was mis-diagnosed, we would love to foster him with the potential to adopt. He has an aunt that lives out of state that is having a home study done on her to adopt him. We have been told that no one thinks the aunt will get approved.
All of this has happened so fast! Our heads are spinning. We would LOVE your prayers on how to proceed. We clearly want to follow God’s leading. Our caseworker also shared somethings about the current foster family. A couple of years ago CPS placed a 2 year old child in their home, and they were told they could adopt her. Right before it was finalized a relative came out of no where and CPS placed the child with them. CPS will always place foster kids with relatives if possible. When CPS approached the foster parents about E they were concerned because he was older than they were wanting. Buckner feels the foster dad has never really tried to bond with E because he was so hurt by what happened to the little girl.
When we asked why they don’t want to adopt E, our case worker said they don’t feel like they have bonded with him and God has told them they were not suppose to adopt him. I told Paul I want God to get a little more specific with them about why they shouldn’t adopt him!! She feels the foster parents quit trying with E several months ago. They are willing to continue to foster him but do not want to adopt him. Buckner wants to get E out of that foster home because they don’t feel he is emotionally being cared for very well. They want to place him right after school gets out. Buckner is also looking at a couple of other families for E.
In other words, if we say yes and Buckner chooses us, we would have E by June 5!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)