Afraid of Heights?

by Cathleen

We have had a roller coaster of a month! We have had a lot of highs and lows with E. In the high moments, God has given all of us a glimpse of E. growing to trust us, as well as growing stronger and becoming more confident in himself.

We went to Florida in August. It was the first time all six of us had been together uninterrupted by summer life (i.e. no friends coming and going, or everybody going in different directions). We were all together in a house on the beach for 7 days. Looking back now, I can see how God wanted us to have that time together because it revealed so much about our relationship with E. He threw tantrums everyday, several times a day for one reason or another. Typically they came when things didn’t go “his way.” It was draining on both of us to have to deal with all of his emotions; however, we always resolved them well and the confrontations would always end with a hug.

E. has been reluctant to try anything new since he has lived with us. The former foster mom said that she couldn’t get E. to do anything (sports, extracurricular, etc.) because he said he either didn’t want to or was scared of getting hurt. When we announced one morning in Florida that we were going parasailing, E. quickly let us know he would not be joining us. He said he would ride on the boat, but that he was terrified of heights. The girls and I went parasailing first and came down telling everyone how fun it was. A guy on the boat that was getting ready to parasail told E. he was deathly afraid of heights, but that he overcame his fears by facing them. Right after that guy parasailed E. decided he would go up with Paul and Josh. It was such a huge thing for him to do. While he was 800 feet in the air, Paul told him that he obviously wasn’t afraid of heights anymore. E. said “it must be because he turned 8 and he was afraid of heights when he was 7.” We totally look at this as God giving us a stepping stone to helping E. trust us. It is hard to love someone if you don’t trust them. He absolutely loved parasailing!

Paul and I came home from Florida emotionally exhausted from dealing with E. We had a great time with our kids and we were able to separate our dealings with E. from them. However, we came home feeling that if this is what life looks like with E., we weren’t sure we wanted to go forward. We have continually been in prayer about what Gods wants us to do. Both of us want to do whatever God asks of us, even if it is hard. The couple of weeks after we returned from Florida (before school started) were amazing. God obviously knew that we needed a break because E. was a delight. It was the most peaceful 2 weeks we have had in a long time…….but then school started.

Starting school is stressful for everyone, but E. had to start a new school yet again. He has been in three elementary schools and he is only in 2^nd grade. We go to a great school with a huge community feel but he obviously doesn’t feel part of that community yet. His tantrums returned, but not to the extent as before. On one incident in particular, I feel that we may have broken down another wall E. had built up.

We told him he had to write thank you notes for the gifts he received from his 8 year old birthday party. He has never had to do that before and was really angry about it. I bought the easiest kind I could find (“Dear________, Thank you for_______,etc.”) He just had to fill in the blanks. I told him that he had to complete two thank-you notes a day until they were done. The first day was great, but on the second day he got really mad. Because of homework and other activities, he was asked to do them after dinner before he got up from the table. The rest of us had done the dishes ,had dessert, and we were going into another room. He still had his head on the table and had not looked up because he was so mad about having to write them. To make a long story short, as soon as we left the room he started to cry and it escalated to very high volumes (no tears ever)! Paul and I told him that he had to get self control and write his thank you notes in 15 minutes or he would have a consequence. We set a timer and left the room. You would have thought he was getting eaten by a lion in the other room! We explained to our kids that we were helping E. have a grateful heart by writing his thank you notes. We also told them that God wants us to go through life being thankful and not expectant of what others can do for us. We told them the reason E. was crying was because we had asked him to do something that he didn’t want to do, but nonetheless we were requiring it. Our kids seemed fine and we said a prayer for E. together. After 15 minutes, Paul and I went into the room and he was still screaming but the thank you notes were written. Paul told him he did a great job, but he still needed to get self control. E. slowly quit crying and got composure. We praised him for finishing the task and talked to him about having a grateful heart. We told him that the people who bought those presents had to: 1) think about what he would like, 2) go to the store and spend their money, and 3) bring the gift to his party. Therefore, we show them we are thankful by writing a note. Later that night E. climbed onto Paul’s lap and cuddled with him while Paul read a story. E. prayed out loud (which he has never done even though we all pray out loud every night) and he thanked God for his family. God continues to give us glimpses of this little boy’s heart – and it is good!

I asked E. that night if he knew how precious he was to God. I told him that God loved him so much that He knows really silly details about him like how many hairs he had on his head. God even names his tears and puts them in a bottle. Every tear we cry, God hears and is present. I told him God holds him in the palm of His hand. Pray that E. will know God’s love one day soon!

You have taken account of my wanderings;
Put my tears in Your bottle.
Are they not in Your book? Psalm 56:8